Comments on: Letting your children go

By: Rodney Olsen

Rodney Olsen — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 04:09:17 +0000

twinmama, you’re so right about finding that balance. None of us wants to seem to be pushing our kids away but we still know that they will increasingly need to become independent of us. It’s a long process and it happens in small steps over many years but it’s still a tough balance.

By: Rodney Olsen

Rodney Olsen — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 04:06:51 +0000

Always good to hear from you, Dina.

It can be really hard to get the balance right when our parents didn’t. I suppose that being aware of the fact that we need to let go is a step along the way. I hope and pray that you’re able to find a way forward on this one.

By: twinmama

twinmama — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:15:30 +0000

Great post. It reminds me that I can let go of my little ones and let them explore more. My twin girls are quite young (20 months old), but I know as I give them more opportunities to explore their surroundings and learn how to make better choices, they will be more ready to handle social situations and going to school.

One of my daughters is particularly needy and I try to not pick her up all the time. I really want her to learn that she doesn’t have to be stuck to me regularly and there is a lot of fun waiting for her if she would just let go. It’s hard when she cries, so I am trying to find a balance.

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By: Dina

Dina — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 15:14:29 +0000

Wow.

These are HUGE personal issues for me right now.

I’m dealing with being the adult child of controlling parents. It’s not direct control, but very indirect and manipulative. I read a book this summer. “If You Had Controlling Parents” and it was very theraputic for me.

At the same time, I’m dealing with my own child who doesn’t want to be let go. The past few months, he has had very strong seperation anxiety. When he was 2 months to 6 months old, we went through the same thing. I responded by being there for him–NOT pushing him away and/or forcing a separation. He got over it and was fine. Now he’s seven-years-old. I’m struggling with this. Do I force separations or do I do what I did back then–be patient, be there for him, and wait for him to be ready to let go?

A part of me thinks I need to force a separation. If I don’t, he’ll always cling to me.

Another part thinks that is absolutely silly. I can’t imagine him being fifteen and always wanting to be my side.

My guess is that in a few years, I’ll look back at this and laugh. I’ll think of my child who wants nothing to do with me and wish that I had appreciated those months where he wanted so badly to be with me.

I guess my question is does letting your children go mean forcing them to go away or do things they feel they’re not ready for? Or is it more about allowing them to take the steps that they feel they’re ready to take.

I feel perhaps there’s a big difference between forcing someone to go and letting them go. I think maybe forcing someone to go is just as controlling as refusing to let them go.

Of course, if it’s a matter of life and death at an amusement park–forcing is probably a good thing.