Is this the real life
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see

I’m just a mom
I need no sympathy
Because I do it all
On the go
Poopy pants, runny nose
Kitchen, kids and laundry
Everything is dirty
No sleep, no sleep.

Momma, I puked in the van
Momma, there’s gum stuck in my hair
I just pushed Lucy down the stairs (she’s bleeding)
Momma, where did I come from?
Better ask your daddy that when he gets home

Momma, oooooooh
I don’t wanna die
Well, you should have thought of that before you broke my lamp!

I smell a little bit of poopy in the van
Sarah move, Sarah move
Get your butt in the Durango
Daddy’s coming home late, better fix a hot plate NOW!

Fettuccini
Ravioli
Fettucini
Ravioli
Fettucini Alfredo
Magnifico!

I’m just a poor boy can I have some money please?
What do I look like? Money doesn’t grow on trees!
Maybe if you ever picked up your things!

Party at Stevie’s house will you let me go?
Joshua, we will not let you go!
Let me go!
Joshua, we will not let you go!
Let me go!
Joshua, we will not let you go!
Let me go!
Will not let you go!
Will not let you go!
Let me go!
No, no, no, no, no!
Oh mamma mia, momma mia, let me go!
If you ask me one more time I’ll scream!
I’ll scream!
I’ll scream!

So you think I don’t care if you stay up and cry?
So you think I don’t need any sleep tonight?
Oh, oh baby
Please just go to sleep baby!
Just gotta get out
Just gotta right out of here

In the end it’s worth it
Wouldn’t change a thing
In the end it’s worth it
In the end it’s worth it to me

Gotta wash the kids’ clothes

How do you put a value like that on a painting? Were the artist’s skills really that good or is it more about wanting to own a famous piece of history?

The 1895 artwork – a modern symbol of human anxiety – was sold at Sotheby’s. The price ($US119,922,500) includes the buyer’s premium.

The image of a man holding his head and screaming under a streaked, blood-red sky is one of four versions by the Norwegian expressionist painter. The auctioned piece at Sotheby’s is the only one left in private hands.

The previous record for an artwork sold at auction was $106.5 million for Picasso’s Nude, Green Leaves, and Bust, sold by Christie’s in 2010.
– The Australian

Almost 120 million. That’s a lot of money. The artist says that the inspiration came from a walk with friends at sunset when the sky changed to blood red. He reckons he sensed an infinite scream passing through nature.

Of course they say that art is open to interpretation so I’m wondering what you reckon the guy in the painting is screaming about. Maybe he’s heard that Nickelback is releasing another album. It could be that he’s just opened the bill for his teenager’s mobile phone. Or maybe he’s shocked at a painting selling for almost 120 million dollars.

I am not the person to speak to if you need help solving difficult mathematical problems. Don’t come and see me if you need someone who’s great with DIY projects. While I love cycling, you’ll never see me on top of the winners podium.

I can live with not being able to master all these things. There are plenty of things I’m good at, like … well … just take my word for it.

What does concern me is something that I got so horribly wrong last night.

Maybe a bit of background information would help. For several months I’ve suffered from back soreness. It’s ranged from, “Ooh, that’s uncomfortable” through to, “Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!!”. Recently, if I’ve dropped something on the floor I just figure that that’ll be a great new permanent home for whatever it is because there’s no way I can even consider bending low enough to pick it up.

Being a man, I put off treatment for way too long. I don’t want to say how long but if it keeps up too much longer my back pain will be able to celebrate its own anniversary. Thankfully the treatment I’m now receiving is slowly but surely making a big difference … but there are still good and bad days.

Yesterday was a good day but today I woke up feeling quite sore. This led me to think to myself, “I must have slept wrong.” How much of a failure are you when you get sleeping wrong? It’s a simple process. You lie down, pull up the covers, shut your eyes and all things going well, you wake up some hours later feeling rested. I got it completely wrong last night.

It’s not like I haven’t had practice. I’ve been working on this sleeping thing for well over 48 years. They say practice makes perfect but not in this case. All that practice and I still sleep wrong.

I’m not one to be deterred. Tonight will be my night. I will sleep well. I will wake rested and then celebrate ….. but not too vigorously. I’ve got a bad back, you know.

I’m sure that they’re wonderful mowers, and I’d love to have one to replace the old clunker in our shed, but I have my reservations about what their advertisement suggests.

Alroh Mowers have been around for over 60 years and they’re a fine local product.

The first Alroh was designed and built by Alan Robert Hair in Perth, Western Australia back in 1951.

It was boom time in Perth, and the growing population and number of home-owners had led to a growing trend for carefully and lovingly tended back lawns.

Hair’s strong durable mower was built to be perfectly suited to Australian conditions.

The problem I have is the claim the Facebook ad makes of a ‘surgical cut’. Fortunately I’ve never had to wear one of those embarrassing hospital gowns and face any kind of surgery, but if I’m ever to end up on the operating table I don’t think I’d be keen on Dr Kildare wandering in with his Alroh.

We talk about people ‘going under the knife’ but how much more frightening would that be if you were to ‘go under the mower’?

I’d be very happy to have an Alroh for a quality, precision cut for my lawn, but I think I’ll pass on the surgical cut.

The Daihatsu Feroza may not be the most exciting car available but a certain South Australian seller has created a real buzz about their old 1990 four wheel drive which has already clocked up 24 000 kilometres since new. Their advertisement for the car is popping up all over the internet. If you want a super tough car this one will only cost you around $2 800.

Let me start off by saying this Feroza is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). If it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this Daihatsu would look like Tom Selleck.

It was never intended to drive to Rundle Mall so you can pick up that adorable Abercrombie & Finch shirt that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Home & Garden. That’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favour and stop reading right now.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn’t let anything warm his butt), or Bluetooth (real men don’t even know what the hell Bluetooth is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 4cylinder 1.6L engine to outrun the cops. It’s got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a fire extinguisher in the back. You know what the fire extinguisher is for? Fire! The Feroza also has a removable roof so if you’re being chased by Libyan terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the back and drive with ease. It’s saved my bacon more than once.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $2800, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $200 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There’s only 240000km on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me; it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name.

Rock on.

Let’s hope that the seller’s creative advertising skills turn into a sale very soon. I’m wondering if their next job will be selling ice to Eskimos.