Marriage

Facebook Fuels Divorce

Could our online lives be destroying our real world lives?

The Telegraph has published an article that claims Facebook is being cited in a growing number of divorce petitions.

Apparently many people are using Facebook and other social networking sites to look up old flames or to find new ones. Many don’t see the harm in flirting with online contacts.

Divorce lawyers claim the explosion in the popularity of websites such as Facebook and Bebo is tempting to people to cheat on their partners.

Suspicious spouses have also used the websites to find evidence of flirting and even affairs which have led to divorce.

One law firm, which specialises in divorce, claimed almost one in five petitions they processed cited Facebook.

So is Facebook to blame?

As we all come to terms with new technology we need to be constantly examining the boundaries that are required to keep our relationships safe, but I can’t help wondering if we also need to re-visit and reinforce some old boundaries.

My marriage vows included a promise to ‘forsake all others’ and that goes for every part of life. I started this post asking if our online lives could be destroying our real world lives but that’s really a deceptive question. It’s a question which presupposes that those ‘two lives’ are somehow separate. They’re not. The real world real you is really the person punching the keys on the keyboard and it’s really you who is flirting with another real person via a real keyboard and computer somewhere else in the world. It may be on the other side of the planet or next door, but real people are involved.

I talk about my family a fair bit on both Facebook and my blog. I’m not leaving anything open for interpretation. I love my wife and whether I’m at home, at work, out with friends or online, people should be in no doubt that I will continue to forsake all others.

I don’t buy the argument that flirting is just light hearted fun. Whether it’s online or offline, if you’re married, flirting should be reserved for your spouse.

So is Facebook fueling divorce? I don’t think so. I think it simply provides another opportunity for people to act out the things that are already in their hearts.

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Saying "I Do" in '92

Dec 12th, 2009

by Rodney Olsen.

11 comments

17 years ago today, on a hot December day in 1992, I married an amazing lady.

Pauline and I met in the January of 1992 and were married in the December. Once we got engaged, half way through the year, we couldn’t stand the thought of having to wait until ‘next year’ to be husband and wife, so we picked a date in the last month of the year and started planning.

I’m still hopelessly in love with Pauline and plan to stay that way for the rest of my days.

How we met

I told the story of how we met quite some time ago on this blog and figure that on a wonderful day such as this, it’s worth repeating.

Around December 1991 and January 1992 I was spending a bit of time with a young lady . She was invited to a big picnic event at the Claremont Showgrounds by a friend. My friend asked if she could bring someone else. The someone else was me.

On the day of the event, I picked up my friend and we headed over to pick up one of Pauline’s sisters, who was the person who’d invited us. We got to Pauline’s parents’ home and were invited in.

I met Pauline in her mum’s kitchen. She was, and still is, incredibly beautiful. I was gone right from that moment.

Pauline and her mum were looking at photos from a family wedding they had recently been to in Queensland. I thought that the photos must have been from Pauline’s wedding and I thought, “I’m too late”. After quickly checking Pauline’s ring finger I realised that wasn’t the case. I thought at the time that it was probably inappropriate to be thinking that way. As I mentioned before, the lady I was there with was only a friend but it did seem like bad form to be so absolutely distracted.

Together with my friend and Pauline’s sister, I got in the car and we headed off.

Meanwhile, Pauline and her mum, who were heading to the same event, got in another car and started towards the showgrounds. Apparently Pauline said something in the car to her mother to the effect that it was a shame that all of the good ones were taken. Pauline obviously hadn’t checked my ring finger and thought that I was a married man. Her mum told her that my friend and I weren’t married and in fact, as far as she knew, we weren’t even an item.

We managed to catch up at lunchtime at the showgrounds and chatted for a little while. I was smitten to say the least.

It actually took another couple of months for us to get together but once we did we started talking about marriage very quickly. By the middle of the year I was convinced that I was not just in love but that I was prepared to commit my life to Pauline, to love her no matter what for the rest of our days. I asked, she said yes, we got hitched.

As a bit of a joke I came up with the motto, “Say ‘I Do’ in ’92″ in late 1991. As it turned out it wasn’t so much a joke as a wonderful reality.

Seventeen years later and my love continues to burn brightly for my incredible bride.

Happy 17th Anniversary to the most wonderful woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.

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Looks like I'm going to live forever

Nov 19th, 2009

by Rodney Olsen.

1 comment

The TimesOnline is reporting that men married to smart women live longer. That being the case, looks like I’ve got many good years ahead of me.

Swedish scientists have discovered that long life and good health have nothing to do with a man’s education and everything to do with his wife’s. Men married to smart women live longer — simple.

Pauline’s not only very beautiful, she’s very clever. I may well live forever.

While the article goes on to say that it’s pretty much down to smart women being able to control healthier diet and exercise choices for their blokes, I reckon that there’s a lot more to it than that. Being married to a smart woman has plenty of benefits. I love being married to someone who’s intelligent, funny, caring, capable, generous and quite simply adorable in every way.

On top of that, research has already shown that simply being married is a good head start to living longer.

The Office for National Statistics has published definitive proof that married couples live longer, enjoy better health and can rely on more home care in old age than their divorced, widowed, single and cohabiting peers. – TimesOnline

I know that research and statistics can prove just about anything but I can assure you of one thing, while I fully intend being around for many years to come, even if I were to drop off the perch tomorrow, I’ll leave this earth a better person for having known and loved the incredible woman I’m privileged to call my wife.

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Can living together lead to divorce?

Jul 16th, 2009

by Rodney Olsen.

2 comments

A new study has revealed that couples who choose to live together before marriage are more likely to have their relationship end in divorce than those who wait until after the wedding to move in together.

With more than 70 percent of couples in the United States living together before marrying, and I’d guess a similar number in Australia, this study gives an interesting insight into the alarmingly high divorce rates in both countries.

The study, carried out by researchers from the University of Denver, also shows that those who wait are more likely to have a more satisfying marriage.

An AFP article, Living together before marriage ups chance of divorce: study, quoted researchers explaining some of the main elements of the research findings.

“We think that some couples who move in together without a clear commitment to marriage may wind up sliding into marriage partly because they are already cohabiting,” said senior researcher and study co-author Galena Rhoades.

“It seems wise to talk about commitment and what living together might mean for the future of the relationship before moving in together, especially because cohabiting likely makes it harder to break up compared to dating,” said another researcher, Scott Stanley.

Of course it would be a gross over simplification to suggest that waiting leads to ‘happily ever after’ and living together is a direct pathway to divorce, but it is well worth looking at the research and seeing what we can discover.

Why do people choose living together over marriage? I wonder if it has a lot to do with seeing the breakdown of so many other marriages, especially parents’ marriages.

Some research from a separate study that has appeared in the Journal of Family Issues says the most common reason people choose to live together before marriage is that they want to spend more time together, followed by convenience, followed by testing the relationship.

Testing the relationship used to be the biggest reason but researcher Galena Rhoades suggests it’s also the worst possible reason to move in together.

Cohabiting to test a relationship turns out to be associated with the most problems in relationships.

So what do you think? Are we better off sticking with traditional values and waiting? Can living together lead to long lasting relationships if we are sure about the long term direction of the partnership or does that still lack the commitment of marriage?

Please leave your thoughts in the comments section of this post.

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Characteristics of a good marriage

Mar 10th, 2009

by Rodney Olsen.

Comments are off for this post

Once a fortnight during my morning radio programme on 98.5 Sonshine FM I chat to Rob Furlong about relationships of various kinds. We discuss how to develop better relationships. The only person we can truly control in our relationships is our self so we also discuss ways to move forward personally so that we can bring everything we should to a relationship.

A couple of weeks ago we started discussing the building blocks of marriage. That segment was just the beginning in a journey that we’ll take over the coming months as we seek to look at the most important characteristics of a good, solid marriage.

Today we looked briefly at a couple of the characteristics which we’ll unpack more fully in the months ahead.

We started off looking at the concept that men and women complete each other, not compete with each other. Rob believes this is the basis of the character trait of Courage as we face life together.

The sceond trait we touched on today was that of Love, noting that marriage is a permanent relationship.

If you’d like to hear what Rob has to say just click the play button on the audio player at the bottom of this post.

What do you think are the essentials of a good marriage? Are there things you know now that you wish you’d known before you married? If you’re single, how are you discovering what you need to know to equip you for marriage?

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