I’ve been gobsmacked by the response of some Christians to the faked abduction in the U.S. of bride to be, Jennifer Wilbanks. The story is all over the media in America but hasn’t had much of a run here in Australia. It seems that Jennifer got a case of cold feet before her wedding and disapeared 4 days before the nuptials, faking her own kidnapping. Apparently the wedding was to be bigger than Ben Hur. She had already endured 8 bridal showers and the ceremony was to feature 14 groomsmen, 14 bridesmaids and 600 invited guests. I know that something that big would scare the hell out of me. You can catch a little of the story here.
What Jennifer did was stupid and irresponsible and it seems that a lot of people want to see her prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Several Christian bloggers have been championing the cause of teaching her a lesson she’ll never forget. I’d rather not mention names because I’m not interested in generating any kind of conflict between bloggers.
I’m wondering if I’m missing something because I see things quite a bit differently. Am I just being idealistic and naive? Am I taking scripture too literally?
I see a woman who was so overwhelmed by circumstances that she did something totally irrational. Whether it was a planned thing or not is not the issue. Yes, she dealt with the situation in a totally unaceptable way but none of us know the stress she was under. I thank God that things have never got that way for me. I don’t know quite how I would react.
I see a woman who, for whatever reason, lacked the ability to reach out to those who love her and ask for help. That’s pretty tough. A lot of people faced with that dilema simply take their own lives. Thank God she didn’t take that option.
I see a woman who dug herself into a hole and then kept digging herself deeper because she didn’t know what else she could do.
I see Jesus reaching out to her with compassion, knowing that she is confused and hurt. She may not deserve that kind of treatment but thankfully the Jesus I know doesn’t treat us how we deserve to be treated.
I see a parallel with a story from the Bible where Jesus met a Samaritan woman at a well. He knew that she was flawed. He knew that she had been sleeping around. He even tells her that he knows that she’s been married five times and now she’s with a guy who isn’t her husband. (I wonder if that means he was someone else’s husband.) He knew that she was despised by society and the church leaders of the time and yet he dared to engage her in conversation. More than that he dared to suggest that she had something to offer him; a cup of water.
He didn’t condemn her, he spoke gently to her. Did he overlook or excuse the fact that she had mucked things up? No. He confronted her about what she had been doing and addressed the areas in her life that needed attention.
I also see parallels to the woman caught in adultery. She had broken the moral and legislative standards and so the authorities could have thrown the book at her, or in this case a bag of rocks. Jesus turned up just as a mob was about to stone her to death, which was the penalty for such a transgression at that time. He had other ideas and told her accusers to leave her alone. Again, he addressed the areas in her life that needed addressing and told her to go and sin no more.
I see a great need for compassion in the case of Jennifer Wilbanks.
If there is a case to answer for her false statement about being abducted, then let her face the law, but as far as we are concerned, we should be reaching out in love and forgiveness. The Bible commands us to do so and Jesus’ example impels us to do so.
Yes she has done something stupid. Yes she has hurt a lot of people, but that’s the same situation as the two examples I’ve referred to from scripture where Jesus shows compassion, not rage. Jesus wanted those women to know forgiveness and love, not punishment.
Even if the whole thing was a premeditated stunt, which many are claiming, Jesus was prepared to die to forgive her of that. Do we know better than he does? Do we dare condemn while he forgives? Aren’t we glad that he forgives us of our wilful sin or do we consider her sin to be more repugnant in the eyes of our Lord than anything we could ever do?
Let the law deal with her if it considers she needs to be prosecuted. Let her fiance reconsider their future together if need be, but let’s pray for this woman, not throw her to the wolves. Let others form the lynch mob, not us. As Christians we should know the value of forgiveness and be ready to share it.
I hope that if I ever mess up bigtime, and God knows we’re all capable of it, I will find Christian friends that will help me face up to my responsibilities in a gentle and loving way, just as Jesus would.
Posted by Rodney Olsen
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I completely agree with you Rodney. All I heard was that there were 14 bridesmaids and I already came to the conculsion that she deserved some understanding because surely she felt trapped by her situation. I’ve organised a wedding before and that was overwhelming enough, I reckon there would be a lot of other women who might have taken similar action if they were in her situation. It was an act of desperation I’m sure. More grace and understanding needs to be given.
Thanks for your compassionate post, Rodney. I’ll admit I was annoyed with Jennifer Wilbanks because I had been sad and worried for her before she resurfaced. But your post puts into proper perspective how we as Christians should really react to a story like this. Thanks again!
Wow a voice of sanity. Thanks for the gentle reminder about Christ’s forgiveness. I think you are absolutely right. How can we be angry at this woman who apparently is hurting so much? If the police charge her with crimes then she will have to face judgement but still that does not give us right to condemn. I feel often in the blogosphere world that I become so wrapped up in the first reaction of what should be done, that I forget what is the truly right reaction. Thank you again for the reminder and I’m adding you to my blogroll. 🙂
I see both sides. I do feel for the young woman, but people do need to be held responsible for their actions. Her story should be a public service wake up call for all brides. Weddings are becoming obscene in size and cost. The “circus” is beginning to make a joke of the ceremony
Great thoughts, Rodney. There are MANY times in my life when I just wanted to run away, and if the saying is true –“Actions begin with a thought”, then I’ve been on the brink of being in the same situation as this woman. That’s exactly what I thought when I heard about what really happened. But for the grace of God, go I.
Interesting that it’s all women who have commented here.
Rodney, you bought balance and graciousness and a wake up call to bloggers to get off their soapboxes long enough to read between the lines.
I’d pick you to be on my jury any day!
Thanks for your comments. The sad thing is, Kel, that the bloggers who have been most vocal in calling for the full force of the law to be brought against Jennifer and shown an unforgiving spirit have also been women.
I must say that whole issue has troubled me greatly.
No, Rodney, I don’t think you are naive. It is one thing for Christians to believe that she should pay restitution for the costs that were incurred on her account it is quite another for us to condemn her. Jesus said plainly that we are not to judge people. It is not our job. Unfortunately, a lot of Christians forget that it is Christ we follow and what He taught us.
I think it’s heartbreaking that she had no one (that we’re aware of) that she could turn to, and discuss her fears with.
It struck me that you mentioned these bloggers condemning her being women. My husband and I have been discussing quietly how women don’t often get along with each other and their behaviour towards other women. I don’t understand it.
The one problem with this whole situation is the place that Jenifer has placed any bride in the future who really is abducted. The case of the bride who cryed “Wolf”. But with all the negative press that she recieved I really don’t think anyone would even consider saying this in the future if it isn’t true.
On a more personal note, this poor woman has seen enough of this stupidity. Lets leave her alone like you say Rodney, and forgive her. I’m sure that there are alot more important things that we can spend time thinking about. Anyway thanks for your post Rodney it was the most balanced thing I’ve read or heard when it has come to this case.