Building fences

What kind of fences are you building to protect you from yourself?

It’s fairly easy to take aim at those who fail morally but how close do we let ourselves get to failing our own moral code? There aren’t too many people who think it’s OK to cheat on your partner yet so many people do. So many people set themselves a standard and then can’t live up to it.

Why is there such a big difference between the way we think it’s right to behave and the way we behave? I wonder if it’s that we unintentionally set ourselves up to fail. By the simple fact that we’re not pro-active about protecting ourselves, we put ourselves in situations that take us places we don’t want to go.

I’m very careful about the way I interact with members of the opposite sex. I’ve set myself some boundaries which I refuse to cross. To some people they might seem like an over-reaction but I’m not interested in going too far and then thinking, “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have done that”. I’d rather mark the boundaries and then stay right away from them.

I was just reading this article by James MacDonald from the archives at Christianity Today about ‘moral fences’. Good stuff. It’s talking particularly about people working for Christian organisations but there’s stuff in there that’s helpful for us all. Whether we’re people of faith or not we need to make good decisions that will help us accomplish our goal of staying faithful to our own morals and standards. It doesn’t happen by accident. Accidents happen by accident.

There’s already a number of the principles in the article that I’m already following.

I do my very best to avoid being alone with a woman who isn’t my wife. It’s not that I don’t think that I can control myself, or even that any woman I’m alone with will find it hard to resist my charms, it’s simply that I want to protect myself, and any female friends, from any hint or appearance of compromise. Most affairs happen when friendship builds into familiarity and emotional connection. It’s difficult for that to happen unless you’re spending time alone with someone.

I love the point in the article that says the author speaks often and publicly of his affection for his wife, when she’s present and when she’s not. This one’s another point that I have tried to practice for a long time. For me, it’s not enough to simply refrain from putting my wife down in front of others, as important as that is, I also need to express my devotion to her. I want Pauline to know that I absolutely adore her and that I am committed to her for life. I also want everyone else to know it. I don’t there to be any doubt about my love and fidelity for the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met.

Another thing that MacDonald brings out is the benefit of being accountable to others. I get together with a bunch of 3 other guys each fortnight and we give each other permission to ask some pretty tough questions. It’s not about whether we’ve followed someone else’s rules over the past couple of weeks, it’s about whether we’ve maintained the standard we’ve set for ourselves. I know how easy it is to fail and so I’ve made myself accountable in matters of faith, sexual purity, finances, family and work. The great thing is that these guys don’t beat each other over the head if any of us fail, we offer support and help each other get back on track.

Maybe I’m just being selfish in wanting to keep something good all for myself but I know that I’ve got a terrific family and a wife who is beautiful in so many ways and I intend to keep it that way.

So what ways are you using to keep what’s precious to you? What kind of fences are you building to protect you from yourself?

Posted by Rodney Olsen

Technorati Tags: Marriage – Family – Accountability

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