I am tired tonight

By the frequency of the almost identical emails that land in my inbox I’m guessing I’m not the only one getting spam that follows this pattern.

Hello! I am tired tonight. I am nice girl that would like to chat with you. Email me at Maria@****.com only, because I am using my friend’s email to write this. To see some pictures of me.

Here’s an idea. If you’re tired, go to bed. Get some sleep. Then you won’t have to keep emailing people you don’t know, offering to send them pictures of yourself.

By the way, another hint, nice girls don’t generally offer to forward pictures of themselves to complete strangers. If you don’t see a problem with that kind of behaviour talk to your  mum, she’ll explain.

I’m not even going to begin to critique your use of the English language. I’m guessing that the sad, obese, mid-fifties, chain smoking guy who has never had a successful relationship in his life, who is sitting in his darkened study sending out these emails, wants me to think that you’re a gorgeous, nineteen year old nymphette from Russia who desperately wants to hook up with an overweight mid-forties guy like me.

Sorry to spoil your fun but I’m happily married and I don’t need pictures of who you’re pretending to be. For that matter, I need pictures of who you really are even less.



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