Kim Sorrelle – What is Love?

Kim Sorrelle is an entrepreneur and the director of a humanitarian organization. She splits her time between her home in Michigan and the countries of Haiti and the Dominican Republic.

In a world that uses the word ‘love’ to describe our connection to everything from people close to us to our favourite food or TV show, Kim decided to look more deeply into what love truly means. Her book, ‘Love Is’ tells the story of her year-long experiment of truly living out love.

The minute you want something in return for your love, it is no longer love. It is something that you’re doing because there’s something that’s in it for you.

Kim is my guest on this week’s episode of my podcast, Bleeding Daylight.

You can hear her story wherever you find podcasts or click play on the audio player below.



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Thankful for another year

I don’t think that 2020 has been the ideal year for anyone but for me it has been another year together with Pauline, facing whatever this world has thrown at us, and that has made it another year to celebrate.

There have been ups and downs beyond our control, including terrible loss, but we’ve traveled the road, side by side. It’s been a mixture of the ‘for better or for worse’ that we agreed to all those years ago.

Twenty eight.

Twenty eight years ago on a very hot, Perth summer’s day, I put on a suit, went to church, and said goodbye to single life.

It was a very good decision and a very good day.

Best Day Ever

While it was a truly wonderful day with so many highlights, it wasn’t a perfect day. While friends and family were free to wear ‘summer appropriate’ clothing, Pauline was in a massive white dress and I was in a black suit. There was no way to escape the heat.

There were other little things that didn’t quite follow the plan for a perfect day but it was still the best day ever. It was the day that we had been waiting for. It was the day that, no matter what didn’t go to plan, we would be joined together ’til death do us part’.

Pauline and I had met in her mother’s kitchen on the 18th of January in 1992. On the 12th of December 1992, we were married.

Say ‘I do’ in ’92

As a bit of a joke, I had set my New Year’s Resolution at the end of 1991 to say ‘I do’ in ’92. That was never going to happen unless I found the perfect person to share my life. I had decided many years before that I would never ‘settle’ for anyone but the right one. Pauline was and is the right one. I truly believe that God brought us together and I thank him for such a beautiful gift.

Today we’ve been married for twenty eight years.

As the years have gone on we’ve added others into our family. In 1996 we welcomed Emily. James was born in 1998. Then, in 2017, Josh joined the family when he married Emily. It’s all part of the richness of our marriage and life together.

I often have to catch my breath when I think about the fact that I get to walk the journey of life beside such a smart, wise, clever, funny, beautiful, extraordinary woman who I love more than any other person on this big blue planet. I am truly blessed.



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Best Day Ever


Twenty five years ago on a hot, Perth summer’s day, I put on a suit, went to church, and said goodbye to single life.

Best Day Ever

While it was a wonderful day with so many highlights, it wasn’t a perfect day. While others were free to wear ‘summer appropriate’ clothing, Pauline was in a massive white dress and I was in a black suit. There was no way to escape the heat.

There were other little things that didn’t quite follow the plan for a perfect day but it was still the best day ever. It was the day that we had been waiting for. It was the day that, no matter what didn’t go to plan, we would be joined together ’til death do us part’.

Pauline and I had met in her mother’s kitchen on the 18th of January in 1992. On the 12th of December 1992, we were married.

Say ‘I do’ in ’92

As a bit of a joke, I had set my New Year’s Resolution at the end of 1991 to say ‘I do’ in ’92. That was never going to happen unless I found the perfect person to share my life. I had decided many years before that I would never ‘settle’ for anyone but the right one. Pauline was and is the right one. I truly believe that God brought us together and I thank him for such a beautiful gift.

Today is our silver anniversary. We’ve been married for twenty five years.

As the years have gone on we’ve added others into our family. In 1996 we welcomed Emily. James was born in 1998. Then, earlier this year, Josh joined the family when he married Emily. It’s all part of the richness of our marriage and life together.

Today is the first day of the next twenty five years, or however long God chooses to give us. I begin that next twenty five beside a smart, wise, clever, funny, beautiful, extraordinary woman who I love more than any other person on this big blue planet. I am truly blessed.



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I’ve been talking about you

In my work I regularly meet with people such as church pastors over coffee or a meal. We talk about a range of matters but one of the topics that seems to come up again and again is family. My wife and my children are incredibly important to me so it should be no surprise that they are always in my thoughts and conversations.

Recently I was chatting to a pastor and once again our conversation turned to our families. We both shared stories of how incredible our respective children are, how quickly they’ve grown up and how proud we are of them.

That conversation about our children reminded me of a time long, long ago.

My dad worked on a ship travelling up and down the Western Australian coast. He was away from home a lot.

I still remember, one day when I was quite young, visiting the ship dad was working on when it was docked in Fremantle. I’m the youngest of five siblings and for whatever reason, on this day I was there with my eldest two brothers.

A man who also worked on the ship walked past and a conversation began. Once he was told we were ‘Tom’s kids’ he said something to the effect of, “You must be … “ and then mentioned our names. “Your dad talks about you all the time.” He gave us the impression that our dad was very proud of his children.

Wow! That was a revelation. Dad talked about us.

I would never have thought that when he was away from our family for weeks at a time that one of his popular topics of conversation would have been his children.

I don’t know why I found it so surprising but I did. It meant that I might just matter to dad.

All of that got me thinking.

Do my children know that I talk about them, endlessly?

Does James know that earlier this week while talking to a group of people about him someone mentioned how I immediately puffed out my chest with pride? They caught a glimpse of how much I love James in my facial expressions and body language as well as the words I was using.

Would Emily ever think that I often talk about how incredibly talented she is and that I’m so proud of her? Would she know that the picture I paint in others’ minds of her is of an incredible young woman who I love so very much, because that’s exactly how I see her?

Do both Emily and James know that even though I’ve had some amazing highlights in my life, they top them all? Do they know that even in the busyness of my life and work they are never far from my mind and my conversations?

Emily and James, you don’t have to wait for someone else to tell you …. your dad talks about you …. all the time.

If you’re a parent, do your children know that you talk about them to others?

Do they know that when you’re away from them and you can choose to talk about anything in the world, you talk about them? Do they know that you’re always on your mind and in your heart? Maybe it’s worth telling them today.



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Self love and oxygen masks

The whole ‘love yourself’ thing has never sat quite right with me. I understand what people are saying when they suggest we should love ourselves but it often feels a bit self-indulgent to me. You’re probably a lot smarter than me and have figured out the balance.

I’ve heard a lot of Christians promoting the idea of loving ourselves over the years. They base their thoughts on passages like the following where Jesus is asked which is the greatest commandment.

…. But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”Matthew 22:34-40 (ESV)

The thinking goes that if we’re to love our neighbour as we love ourselves, we first have to love ourselves. What Jesus said presupposes that we love ourselves. I can’t argue with that but I still feel a bit uncomfortable.

So why do I have trouble with promoting the notion of loving ourselves?

Of course I love myself. Too much probably. I feed myself, look after myself, and think way too highly of myself and my needs a lot of the time.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. – Ephesians 5:29,30 (ESV)

Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve seen many people use the concept of loving themselves simply as an opportunity for an unhealthy focus on their own needs and wants. When Jesus spoke about loving ourselves it was in the immediate context of loving others. He said we’re to ‘love our neighbours as ourselves’. Some people get the whole ‘love yourself’ bit but never advance to loving their neighbour.

Maybe I just need to change the way I think about why I should love myself.

I’ve recently been thinking about the airline safety spiel. As well as telling you about how to do up and undo your seatbelt and how count the rows to your nearest exit, they always stress that in the event of a sudden loss in cabin pressure, you should fit your own oxygen mask first before helping others. While I’ve seen others use that idea to talk generally about looking after yourself, I think there’s a subtle but important difference when we use the oxygen mask analogy.

There’s a sense of urgency in the airline mask thing.

Yes, you need to put your mask on first before helping someone else but in that moment, as the plane starts to shake and the pressure drops, when the masks fall from the ceiling of the aircraft, you take the action you need to take for yourself before immediately turning your attention to others. You don’t sit there adjusting the mask until it feels ‘just right’. You don’t have some ‘me time’ with your mask, you grab it, put it on, and then get on with the job of assisting those around you who are struggling.

If someone I loved was sitting next to me in an aircraft emergency I’d get my mask on as quickly as I could so that I’d be best prepared to help them. Even during the act of securing my own mask my thoughts would be about getting oxygen for the person in the seat next to me.

Some people certainly do try to help others without caring for their own needs to their own detriment. They manage to fumble around and get oxygen sorted for everyone else but they’re left gasping for breath. That’s not how it should work.

On the other hand, if we focus on ‘loving ourselves’ until we feel sufficiently ‘loved up’, we’ll spend more and more time looking out for number one.

It’s another one of those times in life where we need to find balance.

We should think well of ourselves without putting ourselves above others. We need to ensure our own oxygen supply so that we can serve others. We shouldn’t think too highly or too little of ourselves. Yes, we should love ourselves but love should never be self satisfying. Love should be bigger than that.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:3,4 (ESV)

I’d love to read your thoughts. Leave me a comment or two. Do you think I’m on the right track? Is it about balance? Let me know.



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