I'm not scared

13.jpgSomething happened to me today that would scare many others but I’m absolutely fine with it.

I became the father of a teenager. Our daughter Emily turned 13 today.

I know that the teenage years can be pretty rough, both for those going through them and for parents, but I’m not too concerned. There may be challenges along the way and we’ll face them if and when they come.

In the meantime, we’ll just keep on enjoying the company of our beautiful young girl who is rapidly becoming a beautiful young woman. Emily is an amazing person. She’s thoughtful, clever, funny, intelligent, sensitive and so much more and it’s a delight to watch her as she grows up to be more and more the young woman that God has created her to be.

I figure that if she turns out anything at all like her mum she’ll be doing very well indeed.



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Small steps can take you a long way

bike.jpgI headed out with Emily and James for a very short bike ride on some local bike paths on Sunday afternoon and I noticed a few things along the way.

I noticed that I wasn’t too concerned when we got to the roads that we needed to cross. I also noticed that the big hill we used to ride down wasn’t so big any more and I wasn’t worried that the kids would rocket down there and lose control. When we rode along the path that is right next to a busy road I wasn’t too worried that they’d slip into the path of an oncoming car.

The whole ride was so very enjoyable. It’s obviously happened over a period of time but I find that our rides together are a lot more about just riding together rather than me instructing them on how to ride and having to worry about everything that ‘might’ happen. My kids are growing up.

I know that there are challenges and concerns at every stage of parenting but it’s rather wonderful to see them taking on board the lessons of the past and seeing them become the people they were created to be. It’s often in the little things that we see the bigger picture unfolding.



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Cats in the Cradle

Phone.jpgDo you remember the song Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin? It tells the story of a father who is too busy to spend time with his son and when his son gets older he becomes just like his dad. He becomes too busy to spend time with his father.

I was reminded of that song while I was at the movies with Emily and James on the weekend. We went to see Monsters vs Aliens. A great animated flick.

A guy with a son aged around 6 or 7 sat next to us. While it was nice to see that he was taking him to the movies on a Saturday morning it was disheartening to see that he was on the phone at least three times during the movie. Admittedly he kept his voice very low and wasn’t really disturbing those around him but it made me so sad to think that he couldn’t switch his phone off for just a couple of hours to totally enter into spending time with his boy.

I wonder what kind of message that was giving the boy. Dad’s willing to take him to the movies but he’s not really interested in the things that interest his son. Dad will sit next to his son but he’d rather be talking to someone else.

The shocking truth is that I’m not the perfect parent. In fact I’m nowhere near being the perfect parent but some things are fairly obvious. If we want our children to feel loved and accepted we need to spend time with them. We need to give them our undivided attention. We need them to know that they are vitally important to us and that there are few things that are more important than spending time focussed on building relationship.

Just as in the song, a day will come when we want to know that we’re important to our children. When that day comes they’re likely to treat us as we’ve treated them. That’s either a frightening or comforting thought depending on the messages we give our children when they’re young.



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Are you cherishing the moments?

So how did that happen?

Our little girl, the one who I’m sure was only born a few months back, is at a high school orientation day today. She’s graduating primary school and moving into year 8 next year.

Emily has grown into a beautiful, clever, intelligent young woman. It seems like just yesterday we were enrolling her in kindergarten and now she’s entering secondary school.

I’m glad that so many friends told us that the years go past way too quickly and that we should cherish the early years with our kids. I’m even happier that I took notice.

Both of our children have provided us with so many incredible memories and special moments and I know that there are plenty more to come. Our children are still quite young, Emily’s 12 and James is 10, so we have many years of growing up on the way.

Maybe it’s time for me to pass on the same advice that we’ve been given. If you have very young children or are about to become a parent, make sure you make time for your kids. Don’t imagine that working every hour that God gives to provide for them will give them a good head start in life. Give them you.

Put up with the smaller house, an older car and less flashy gadgets if you have to but give your children your time. Quality time is a myth. The quality only comes from quantity time. Build the relationships now and they’ll last a lifetime. Neglect the relationship now and you may never get the opportunity again.



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Letting your children go

I was reading this story at News.com.au this morning about a mother who had to drop her toddler ten metres from a fairground ride that had malfunctioned. Scary stuff.

Sherri Pinkerton and her daughter Gracie got stuck on the Crazy Bus ride at the fair in Port Orange, Florida, when it suddenly restarted as they were stepping out of it at the weekend, The Sun reported today.

Thankfully all ended well with no one seriously injured but it was still a tough decision for Sherri to let go of her little girl.

A group of men gathered under the mum, pleading with her to drop the child.

“She held on to the baby for probably three minutes or so then she did drop the baby so they could catch her,” Ms Craft said.

Ms Pinkerton said she would never forget having to make the decision to drop her child.

“I held on to her as long as I could until people started getting underneath the bus and told me to drop her,” she said, according to local6.com news.

“I didn’t want to.”

The men caught the child safely while Ms Pinkerton and the other passengers trapped inside the ride were rescued with the help of a ladder.

Reading the story made me think about how as parents we’re constantly in the process of letting our children go. It’s a scary course of action but we’ve got to be continually loosening our grip so that we can release them into the world. We have to be careful not to let go too soon or too late but the process begins from the day our kids are born.

We let go a little bit more every time we hand over responsibilities and decisions to our young ones. It’s not easy to stand back and watch our children suffer the consequences of their own actions but little by little we’ve got to let the ones we love reap what they’ve sown. We’re there to be their safety net but we can’t allow ourselves to swoop in and shield our children in every situation. Wrapping them in cotton wool is never the solution.

I still remember my mum handing me some decisions that I didn’t feel ready to make when I was a young teenager. It would have been so much easier if she had made those decisions but she was letting go and I’m so glad that she did. I learnt that I was responsible for my own life and I needed to discover how to make wise decisions on my own. Having her loosen her grip was a little bit scary but I found that I didn’t really fall that far before I hit solid ground. Surprisingly it didn’t hurt at all.

Now I have to continue letting go of our children. I need to hand over more and more responsibility and so that those young ones who I love so very much can learn to stand on their own two feet. It’s not always easy.

Can you remember your parents gradually letting go so that you could make your own way in the world? Are you letting go of your own kids?



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