Do you know anyone who doesn’t enjoy hearing an encouraging word or two? Sure, there are people who don’t know how to accept compliments and encouragement well but most of us still enjoy a pat on the back now and then.
If we all enjoy being encouraged and knowing that we’re valued, why is it that we encourage others so rarely?
I know that some people are really good at encouraging others and if you’ve got someone like that in your life you would know how good it can be. I’m not talking about vain flattery but real encouragement that lifts and builds us up.
Life Skills Trainer, Jill Bonanno, joined me yesterday on 98.5 Sonshine FM for our weekly radio segment, Simply Living. We looked at how easy it can be to encourage others and what a difference it can make.
A simple word, a note, a touch on the arm can all be very simple ways to encourage others. During the programme we even had a caller tell us that she uses text messaging to send people an encouraging note now and then and she’s been amazed at the positive result. She’s had several friends phone her right after receiving a text message to say that the message came just at the right time.
Do you make encouragement a habit? How about instead of just nodding in agreement you decide to send a couple of text messages right now or phone someone who might need a kind word or even jot down a note for a friend? What about visiting a couple of blogs and leaving a couple of comments to let the blogger know you appreciate them? And here’s a twist – how about encouraging someone you don’t even know? Make a mental note to encourage the checkout operator next time you’re shopping or perhaps your bus driver or someone else you encounter in the next couple of days.
If you regularly encourage others I’d love to hear how you do that. If you’ve got a story about how you’ve been encouraged please tell me about it. Just click the comments link of this post and share your story.
If you’d like to hear Jill and me talking about encouragement (as well as all kinds of other stuff) just click play on the audio player at the bottom of this post.
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I find encouraging people quite difficult. It makes me feel awkward and embarrassed and vulnerable, but because I know what an impact it can have on people I often force myself. I’ve decided that when I think a nice thing about someone (e.g. ‘That lady has a nice smile.’ or ‘That person handled that interaction well.’) I will tell them – not just think it to myself.
A few days ago the school at which I work was holding a NAIDOC Assembly and a senior Aboriginal student was organising some of the younger students before the Assembly. She was showing such leadership and control and calmness and I was impressed.
Later, when she came to return some school blazers I made certain to tell her that I’d been watching her in that situation and that it was so obvious that she was going to be a leader and that she’d impressed me. She was a bit embarrassed, but thanked me. One can never know if one’s words will have any impact on somebody’s life, but if you can encourage, and potentially speak joy and change and growth into someone’s life, the uncertainty and awkardness seems worth it.
Aili, that comment gave me goosebumps.
What an incredible opportunity to be able to spot leadership qualities and to encourage someone like that. I’m convinced that your words will have a big impact on that student.
Yes – why is it so easy to give “put downs”?
Maybe we should have a personal rule:
at least 5 positives (10 positives?) to a person or group
before we feel we can say one negative?
I think you’re right, Bosco, we should always look for ways to build people, not tear them down.
There are times that we have to deal with negative issues and we have to say some tough things, but it must be out of love for the other person, not a sense of superiority.
I do this all the time and this has always been a big part of who I am, which is what makes me such a fantastic Doula and Reiki Master, if I do say so myself. Enjoying your site!