Letting your children go

I was reading this story at News.com.au this morning about a mother who had to drop her toddler ten metres from a fairground ride that had malfunctioned. Scary stuff.

Sherri Pinkerton and her daughter Gracie got stuck on the Crazy Bus ride at the fair in Port Orange, Florida, when it suddenly restarted as they were stepping out of it at the weekend, The Sun reported today.

Thankfully all ended well with no one seriously injured but it was still a tough decision for Sherri to let go of her little girl.

A group of men gathered under the mum, pleading with her to drop the child.

“She held on to the baby for probably three minutes or so then she did drop the baby so they could catch her,” Ms Craft said.

Ms Pinkerton said she would never forget having to make the decision to drop her child.

“I held on to her as long as I could until people started getting underneath the bus and told me to drop her,” she said, according to local6.com news.

“I didn’t want to.”

The men caught the child safely while Ms Pinkerton and the other passengers trapped inside the ride were rescued with the help of a ladder.

Reading the story made me think about how as parents we’re constantly in the process of letting our children go. It’s a scary course of action but we’ve got to be continually loosening our grip so that we can release them into the world. We have to be careful not to let go too soon or too late but the process begins from the day our kids are born.

We let go a little bit more every time we hand over responsibilities and decisions to our young ones. It’s not easy to stand back and watch our children suffer the consequences of their own actions but little by little we’ve got to let the ones we love reap what they’ve sown. We’re there to be their safety net but we can’t allow ourselves to swoop in and shield our children in every situation. Wrapping them in cotton wool is never the solution.

I still remember my mum handing me some decisions that I didn’t feel ready to make when I was a young teenager. It would have been so much easier if she had made those decisions but she was letting go and I’m so glad that she did. I learnt that I was responsible for my own life and I needed to discover how to make wise decisions on my own. Having her loosen her grip was a little bit scary but I found that I didn’t really fall that far before I hit solid ground. Surprisingly it didn’t hurt at all.

Now I have to continue letting go of our children. I need to hand over more and more responsibility and so that those young ones who I love so very much can learn to stand on their own two feet. It’s not always easy.

Can you remember your parents gradually letting go so that you could make your own way in the world? Are you letting go of your own kids?



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About the author

Rodney Olsen

Rodney is a husband, father, cyclist, blogger and podcaster from Perth Western Australia.

He has worked in radio at Perth's media ministry Sonshine for over 25 years and has previously worked at ministries such as Compassion Australia and Bible Society.

The views he expresses here are his own.

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4 Comments

  • Wow.

    These are HUGE personal issues for me right now.

    I’m dealing with being the adult child of controlling parents. It’s not direct control, but very indirect and manipulative. I read a book this summer. “If You Had Controlling Parents” and it was very theraputic for me.

    At the same time, I’m dealing with my own child who doesn’t want to be let go. The past few months, he has had very strong seperation anxiety. When he was 2 months to 6 months old, we went through the same thing. I responded by being there for him–NOT pushing him away and/or forcing a separation. He got over it and was fine. Now he’s seven-years-old. I’m struggling with this. Do I force separations or do I do what I did back then–be patient, be there for him, and wait for him to be ready to let go?

    A part of me thinks I need to force a separation. If I don’t, he’ll always cling to me.

    Another part thinks that is absolutely silly. I can’t imagine him being fifteen and always wanting to be my side.

    My guess is that in a few years, I’ll look back at this and laugh. I’ll think of my child who wants nothing to do with me and wish that I had appreciated those months where he wanted so badly to be with me.

    I guess my question is does letting your children go mean forcing them to go away or do things they feel they’re not ready for? Or is it more about allowing them to take the steps that they feel they’re ready to take.

    I feel perhaps there’s a big difference between forcing someone to go and letting them go. I think maybe forcing someone to go is just as controlling as refusing to let them go.

    Of course, if it’s a matter of life and death at an amusement park–forcing is probably a good thing.

  • Great post. It reminds me that I can let go of my little ones and let them explore more. My twin girls are quite young (20 months old), but I know as I give them more opportunities to explore their surroundings and learn how to make better choices, they will be more ready to handle social situations and going to school.

    One of my daughters is particularly needy and I try to not pick her up all the time. I really want her to learn that she doesn’t have to be stuck to me regularly and there is a lot of fun waiting for her if she would just let go. It’s hard when she cries, so I am trying to find a balance.

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  • Always good to hear from you, Dina.

    It can be really hard to get the balance right when our parents didn’t. I suppose that being aware of the fact that we need to let go is a step along the way. I hope and pray that you’re able to find a way forward on this one.

  • twinmama, you’re so right about finding that balance. None of us wants to seem to be pushing our kids away but we still know that they will increasingly need to become independent of us. It’s a long process and it happens in small steps over many years but it’s still a tough balance.

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