We need to talk …

I’m just a few weeks away from a significant birthday so I thought I should write a quick letter to someone who’s travelled this journey of life with me for all those years.

Dear ageing body

I know I haven’t always treated you right and there are times I’ve taken you for granted but I think we both know it’s time we talked.

Firstly, about the hair. Let’s not play this game any more. I understand that you may prefer not to waste your energies on pushing strands of hair through my scalp and I’m OK with that. I don’t have a lot of money and so having more time between haircuts is not such a bad thing. You’re saving me more and more on haircuts, shampoo and other hair products as each year passes. But if you’ve decided not to bother growing hair on my head, let’s not bother with the weird, random, ear hair. I don’t need it there and I think the only result is that it makes both you and me look stupid. (Don’t get me started on nose hair.)

And about the lines on my face. You know the ones I’m talking about. I know that people talk about wrinkles adding character but seriously? How much character does a person need? To be clear, character is good, looking like the map of a busy inner city centre is not so good. Let’s not take this wrinkle thin any further.

By the way, can we do something about the eyes? Wearing glasses isn’t such a bad thing in some ways. They do tend to take some of the focus away from those wrinkles I was telling you about, but how about we let the eyes get about their business of seeing things …. clearly. What’s with the whole bleary morning eyes deal? Why is it taking longer each morning before my eyes can focus, even with glasses? Is no one telling them it’s time to get up? Do they need more sleep than other body parts? I remember when I would amaze other people by my ability to read signs way off in the distance. I could also read very fine print in low light. These days I need a couple of 1000 watt floodlights to read normal sized print.

I want you to know that I can see right through you … with the appropriate medical scanning technology. That picture of my back we had taken last year? Scary. What’s going on in there? Those vertebrae look downright weird. You do realise that they’re not meant to look that way don’t you? I’m pleased to say that with the help of a very good naturopath and my daily cycling, the consequences of that horrible mess are being kept at bay, but things in there are seriously screwed up.

Can you tell me where you’re planning to go with the whole “system shutting down” thing? Can I at least have some warning? One minute I’m relaxing by enjoying something on television, next thing I wake up three quarters the way through the next program. I’m sure I haven’t seen an entire program from start to finish for months. Is that now completely out of the question?

There’s more I wanted to say but I’ve forgotten a few of the points I was going to make. Funny how that seems to be happening more and more lately. I think I’ll just go have a nap.

Regards

Me

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